It’s hard carrying trauma
Years on, still struggling
I get depressed pretty easily. And I don’t want to push people away, but it’s hard. I met a nice guy, but I don’t know if I am that attracted to him. I was sleeping next to him, and he had this odour that I couldn’t really stand.
But when I’m depressed, I just want company. So there’s conflict. And I don’t want to lead someone on if they smell bad.
Self censorship
I do realize I have some dreams uncomfortable sharing to with my friends and the people I am related to.
Like when an ex shows up in a dream. Actually was abusive to me, like trying to lock me in a room. And I had to get a friend to come in with me so I could get my stuff. That was based on what I saw in a movie, but he was equally bad in real life. I really suffered emotional abuse, i talked about it with some close friends, but they are kind of like scars, it takes years for it to go away even if you or other people don’t see it everyday. In the same dream, my mother was being mean to me, I punched her arm. I guess this aggression doesn’t help either. Only if someone allows me. I didn’t know I still had so much anguish against my mom.
Sadness
I worry when someone doesn’t appreciate what I do, or doesn’t appreciate me. It’s a very deep loneliness.
A guide to life
Do important things first
Important means self-sustaining, whether that’s money or health. Make sure you do those things first before fun.
Work on improving skills for things you actually want to work in
You’re gonna have a longgggg working life. So if you hate something or feel like your wasting your life doing it, you better set yourself up for another route to survive in life
Calm down
Expressing is important. When you have stored emotions they are damaging, hurting, burning inside you. There’s no need to go off at anyone, but you need to have a way to explain that to someone, so they can reflect on how you feel. Suddenly the knots inside you start unwinding.
Getting over an ex
It was a traumatic relationship, and recently had thoughts come back. I think the more traumatic something is the more it stays with you, but at some point you’re just thinking how wrong it all was, and that it’s better to burn every memory of it. Old stuff just toss and burn.
Growing yourself
Usually selfishness is seen as a sin, a downside. We need to be equally generous to ourselves as to others. People who sacrifice a lot more than they give to themselves become martyrs, and they end up helping very self-concerned people, which isn’t doing the world a lot of good. Generosity always has to be balanced with kindness to yourself. If you care more about getting the right gift to your friends than sorting out the problems in your life, your priorities are wrong. Of course, we also make time and space for our friends and partners, but assume they are self-sufficient. They do not actually need your gift, or your advice, but when you have the time and energy to give something, after you are in balance, then do so.
How to be properly seduced
Romantic and sexual interactions are mostly a game. Most people find the way a situation is set up is the most erotic or thrilling part, maybe it’s a more important part than the sex itself.
Something a bit naughty is always recommended: it can be a location, or a plot of how you ended up in the situation of being seduced. I’m using seduction in a very general way, like there is a seducer and a seducee. It. could be a couple or two single people: this is a term not used in any way to refer to cheating, which is often blamed on seduction, but basically cheating happens when people want to have fun. The relationship they are blocked in is safe: they are missing danger and thrill.
For the game to remain frequency fun, it can’t be the same all the time. Usually couples need to withdraw a bit to get imagination started again. Usually games need to be changed. Some people grow accustomed to particular games, but you’ll know this as you extend the relationship for longer and longer.
Most people look for quick fun, but the point is to delay the pleasure, so they’ll be more obsessed with you. They’ll want to find ways to play you, but you are actually playing them. As long as both people are “playing”, it’s good fun. People who don’t “play” at all will get hurt because they get caught in a game when they want something serious. Most single people are “playing” because they have the liberty to in this period, without cheating on any partner. It’s a healthy time to play. Single people looking for relationships need to be playful too, because maybe 70% of single people are looking to play. They fall in love when it’s “fun” but they can’t “have” you or control you. When they are obsessed with that goal, that’s when you have them. So have fun, and don’t take it so serious. For women, it’s healthy for their self-esteem to multidate: hang out with many guys (don’t sleep with them, because that involves somewhat a guy having control of you, or in some cases some women are very casual with sex they can get over right away sleeping with someone, but the sentimental and romantic types should really stay away from sex until the man is in love or already invested in a relationship).
Words are cheap, what you want are actions. When someone has shown valiant actions, you respond with gratitude and a little trust, and lil more liking. Baby steps. People who suddenly fall infatuated are mistrusted, and look like they are easy to fool. You may fall in love with someone right away, that’s entirely possible, but the point is to keep levelheaded and still approach the situation in gradual steps. Earning and placing trust is a slow, continuous process. There’s so much to learn from another person: how they are personally, what they want in life, what they want with you. Particularly the last part, is maybe the part that people do not reveal right away. Men can be particularly sly. They basically sort women they meet into categories right away: people to just have sex with, potential partners, or just friends. You don’t know what group of those you are in unless you ask, and they will answer reluctantly but most of the time truthfully. Ofcourse it’s possible to move from one group to another, but not as simple as it sounds. Also for women, most male friends are not thought of as potential partners no matter how nice a guy is to them, or what a great friend they are. Maybe the thought slips by now and then. But the reason you are only friends in the first place, was that there was no chemical spark. That’s the only difference.
Seduction
Seduction is like writing a novel, you have to know the beginning, middle and end.
The beginning is very innocent; the middle contains excitement, and a climax, the end is a peaceful resolve, a satisfaction: love.
The path of seduction is long: Seduction isn’t about getting someone to bed, it’s about reaching your desired outcome. If I want a relationship with someone, that requires seduction also. It’s a skill that is relevant for any situation: if you require favour, that also requires seduction. Seduction is presenting yourself favorably or asking in an inviting manner, so that people will be pleased to help you, they will desire to help you because they think of the great pleasure they get out of it.
As for archetypes (from the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene), the sex siren/rake and ideal lover are direct contrasts: seemingly, one cannot be both. There always need to be a Yin and Yang: passive and aggressive. Passive aggressive is the worst: you really should not try to be both at once. The siren/rake delivers promises and leaves people wanting, the ideal lover delivers actual goods. There’s a total difference here: one is playing with fantasy, one plays with reality.
The ideal lover applies themselves to fulfilling all desires, desires for romance, art, and intellect along with sex, while the siren has a more seductive play, also providing intellect, but more of a cat and mouse game: the siren just toys, while the ideal lover acts. Fantasies are stronger than reality, what both rely on is a huge sense of bringing fantasy, but for sirens victims they remain mostly imaginary (yet powerful), while ideal lover being physical and real gains. Being an ideal lover means actually putting in a lot of time and effort on real acts, rather than just words, which many are unwilling to do. The ideal lover makes you center stage, while the siren draws attention to herself and makes herself center of the stage.
It sucks to realize sometimes I was playing the ideal lover, a part I don’t want to play. I don’t want to serve my partner fulfilling their needs, I want them to be sucked into my fantasy fulfilling mine. Only then realize that someone was playing me, what a tricky guy!
The illusion of zero defenses is important. Kind of like hiding your army in a Trojan horse, or not disclosing your entire army, it’s ok to protect yourself, but not seem like the type that has been hurt before and constantly on the defense. People want to feel comfortable and jovial. Leave your fears at the door, or at least, have your defenses but not show them.
Just Give Me XXX 